It’s 1am before I have the courage to close my eyes, because I know what will come.

I am going to die.

These are the words that run through my head every night when I am taken to a seemingly never-ending nightmare of darkness.

The fear of the unknown is what scares me the most. Like every other person alive, I have no idea what will happen to me when I die, and that terrifies me. The thought of being stuck in darkness for an eternity makes my heart race, my stomach turn, and my entire body sweat. I struggle to clear my mind from the thought of never being able to hug my Mum again when I am gone. It often brings me to tears.  

I am 20-years-old, and it turns out I am not alone.

Thousands of other young people throughout the world suffer these same awful feelings of dread.

Psychologist Dr Rachel Menzies specialises in death anxiety and says while it may be a person’s fear, dread, or sadness towards their own death – or the death of other people – there are many different subtypes.

“Some people might be terrified at the idea of non-existence and not being able to think or feel after they die,” she says.

“Other people might be okay with that, but they might be terrified of how they’re going to cope when a loved one dies.”

“For others, they might be terrified of dying in particular ways, such as dying from cancer or dying in a plane crash.”

According to Dr Menzies death anxiety is actually most common in 17 to 25-year-olds. She says young people can be more vulnerable to this fear because they have not had the same chance to establish themselves or left their mark on the world compared to older generations.

“The closer people get to death, so as they approach older adulthood is typically when that fear starts to decline and drop off,” she says.

The forbidden conversation

For many young people, the topic of death is unheard of in daily conversations.

“As a society, we’re not particularly good at talking about death. We use a lot of euphemisms. We talk about people passing away instead of using the word dying,” Dr Menzies says.

“Sometimes people can almost have a vaguely superstitious feeling that if they were to talk about it, it might somehow make it happen.”

Many young people are currently suffering in silence, and most assume this fear is subjective.

For 20-year-old architecture student Alexi D’Angelo, getting to sleep every night is a struggle.

“When I am alone in my thoughts I start thinking and stressing about what is going to happen to me when I die, which is mostly at night, and it will keep me up all night because I just can’t get it out of my head,” she says.

“My heart starts to race, and I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.” 

When asked about her fear of death, 19-year-old Jorja Hall who works in childcare has also never discussed her struggle with anyone.

“I’ve had these terrifying fears of death for as long as I can remember,” she says.

“Having to leave and lose my family one day is what scares me the most, or even being all alone when it does happen.”

“When I think about dying, I get a hot, burning feeling in the pit of my stomach. It feels like a black hole almost and it’s so scary.”

Jorja Hall says although she has been living with death anxiety for most of her life, she is not open to receiving any help.

“It’s always terrible in the moment, but once I’m distracted during the day I forget about it and don’t think I need help. Then once again, it comes back at night. It’s just a recurring cycle,” she says.

Although many young people struggle to seek help from professionals or friends and family, many feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings on social media.

A way to cope

Dr Menzies is the director of the Menzies Anxiety Centre in Sydney, which focuses on treating and developing research on death anxiety. 

Currently, the best form of treatment for death anxiety is exposure therapy.

“Exposure therapy in general is based on the idea that we need to gradually and deliberately face the things that we’re anxious about,” she says.

“In the context of death, this could be things such as having conversations with people about death, watching films with themes of death, watching documentaries about palliative care, going to cemeteries, writing a will, anything that is getting you moving towards the fear rather than avoiding it.”

Dr Menzies says other treatments would involve helping individuals develop a more helpful and realistic belief about death. 

“I want to encourage people who are struggling with this fear to look for treatment. We know that there are good treatments for this type of anxiety. We know that we can produce changes in this type of anxiety and so people don’t have to suffer with this on their own.”

Alternative solutions

Kalì Alfaro is a Perth-based hypnotherapist and psychologist who says hypnotherapy is a successful solution to overcome death anxiety. 

“By using a different brain wave, by relaxing yourself, by closing your eyes, and using specific language, I am able to help a person to desensitise themselves to these anxious feelings about death,” she says.

“Most people will be able to overcome that fear, if not entirely, to a point where they can actually function properly,” she says.

Ms Alfaro says when she starts to uncover a lot of the fears people have a fear of death is extremely common.

“I think it’s very normal to have fears and it’s also a very smart thing to do to seek help and support when you feel that a fear is taking over your thoughts,” she says.

“It’s really important to do something about it earlier on and take a little bit of control because it will improve your quality of life.”

“If I could get one message across to young people it would be to have more open conversations about your deepest emotions. You never know, your best friend of ten years could be experiencing the same fears as you.”