He comes to the same café I do every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning and sits alone looking out over the water, while the chair next to him remains empty, always. He’s not with a partner, or his children, his grandchildren, or even his dog. He sips his small latte silently, and once the cup is drained, tucks the singular chair politely under the table and walks away. I’ve thought several times about sitting down and joining him, giving him the company that my aching heart tells me he needs, asking him about his life, the stories he has, the memories he’d like to share. But I never do. Because, I think, this old man may enjoy his quiet time alone. The same as I do.

From weeping over Carl grieving Ellie in the first fifteen minutes of Up, to the silent sobs experienced while watching Allie and Noah drift into eternity in The Notebook, to snivelling as Rose throws the heart of the ocean and her memories of Jack to the bottom of the sea where The Titanic rests, we’re often left in tears over the lives of the elderly. The silver screen is often urging its audiences to create a sympathetic fixation toward the senior generation. This may be why Gen-Z girls in particular are now finding their emotional wellbeing is rocked when they spot an old man watching a sunset and enjoying an ice-cream by himself.

On TikTok currently there are hundreds of videos depicting young girls crying over old men eating alone in restaurants or sitting alone at a park bench. It has even become a sort of widespread joke among the TikTok community, where both the young and elderly alike are poking fun at the emotional responses of Gen-Z women.

Elderly TikTok user @grandpabeppa_, who died late last year, rose to virality after he posted a video compilation of sunsets with the caption “I took a picture of my wife, every time she looked beautiful this month”. That the video now has over 88 million views shows how the emotional tone resonates strongly in parts of the TikTok community. What was seemingly a lovely tribute to his late wife was inundated with comments like “I can’t stop crying”. But what makes us more emotional about the elderly, than anyone else?

Aged care worker, and fellow Gen-Z girl, Zyla Geonzon believes this sensitivity comes from a place of respect and affinity. 

“We, as young girls, really empathise with the older population because they are more vulnerable,” she says.

“Particularly in Australia, we have a lot of respect for the older population. And seeing they have no partner with them, they can appear lonely, and we can empathise with that feeling. Especially with men. They love to speak about their wives and about their past,” she says, “It can be quite evocative to listen to but it’s also lovely how they can be such gentlemen.”

Data published by the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows men over the age of 85 have the highest suicide rate in Australia, being more than three times the average. World Health Organisation’s Global Health Estimates shows that globally, around a quarter of deaths from suicide are by people over the age of 60. 

Psychologist Kimberly Van Orden, who specialises in the research of late-life suicide, told NPR late last year “suicide in later life is a significant public health problem around the world. 

“Older men are less likely to share their suicidal thoughts, and they’re more likely to die when they have them,” she says.

Describing the “five Ds of late-life suicide”, Van Orden mentions how social disconnection is among the leading reasons for suicide within the demographic. 

Geonzon says this type of disconnection and isolation is especially prevalent in nursing homes and aged care facilities.

“It’s a foreign environment for them. They’re used to living with their wives and families, and now they’re living with strangers. And even if they’ve been with us for years, it never stops being lonely for them and they tend to isolate themselves because of it.

“That’s what can be particularly heartbreaking to watch,” she says.

According to Lifeline, an estimated one in three Australian’s report feelings of loneliness, which is a huge issue faced by the elderly community, in particular, as they can experience these changes in environment, encounter spouses and friends passing away, and see their families become too busy at times to pay them a visit. 

“The whole ordeal of aging can be so confusing and frustrating at times,” Geonzon says.

“They have to deal with so much pain—both physically and mentally— and putting loneliness on top of it all, you can see them experiencing this feeling of losing control.”

I suppose, in a way, the reason we feel so emotional seeing someone advanced in years and sipping on their coffees or eating their dinners alone, is because the act is bittersweet. On one hand, we may jump to the conclusion that they don’t have anyone to accompany them on these outings, and grief and guilt flutter away in our stomachs as we think of the people in our lives that, if invited, would have happily joined us. On the other hand, we could simply feel happy that these particular retirees haven’t succumbed to the isolation that so many others do, even though it may feel like the easier option at times. And in that case, we become compassionate for those that aren’t like the old man sitting in front of us, looking out across the water in contented solitude.

As I finish writing this, sipping on my latte at my favourite café and sneaking the occasional glance at the companionless elderly man who so often steals my attention, I can’t help but wonder if he’s lonely, or if he just enjoys his own company, the same as I do. And someday I hope to pluck up the courage to join him and ask him for myself, but for today, I’ll convince myself that he’s content, so I don’t get upset and ruin this quiet moment he has to himself.