Leon Peters-Malone has always pictured a first date as something more than just small talk over drinks. In his mind, romance looks like a dance class where two people learn to laugh at missed steps, a cooking night showcasing his signature citrus and chicken tagine or an afternoon spent wandering through a bookshop before settling into the quiet hum of a café. For Peters-Malone, it’s about connection through shared experiences and a chance to reveal parts of himself that are often difficult to express in words.

As an autistic person with a history of complex PTSD, Peters-Malone experiences the world with heightened sensory sensitivities and often finds the unspoken rules of dating hard to decipher. “I often misread communication, or it goes so far over my head, I don’t catch it. If there should be a face in the definition of ‘completely-miss-the-message’, it should be mine,” he says.

Now 38, Peters-Malone ready to settle down with the right person and have a family of his own. But turning the dream into reality is proving to be anything but easy. In the past decade, he’s only been on a handful of dates with many of them not developing into anything more.

“I’m at a point where if I could find someone, I would be looking at making it the last relationship I’m ever in,” he says. “I’d like to be a parent one day, and I’d like to be with someone who truly wants to be a parent. Right now, I’m looking for someone to be my lifelong companion.”

But all that is beginning to change, thanks to recent, popular TV shows like Love on the Spectrum and Austin which have helped raise awareness for the plight of the neurodivergent dating scene. Improved understanding and community-minded enthusiasm is emerging with the development of a tailor-made dating app and new ideas for supported spaces for those wanting to connect, have fun, find friendship and romance.  

Understanding neurodivergence

The term neurodivergence refers to people who think, feel and function in ways that are considered less common, as opposed to people who are neurotypical. According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, “Neurodivergent is a non-medical, self-identifying term that may be used by people with a range of diagnoses including Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Tourette Syndrome and Specific Learning Disorders (SLD).”

A 2020 study estimated that as many as one in five of the global population is neurodivergent. A 2024 employee census conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics found that one in eight employees identify themselves that way.

Anna Hassan is a neurodivergent Fremantle psychologist who works specifically with neurodivergent individuals. For her, the term captures a wide range of experiences that shouldn’t be classified under one stereotype. “Neurodivergent is quite a broad umbrella term. Autistic, ADHD, OCD, dyslexia – people all think in different ways, so everyone experiences social interactions and dating differently,” she says.

Still, Hassan says one pattern that shows up across experiences is social anxiety, not because all neurodivergent people struggle with it, but because dating often takes place in environments that are noisy, unpredictable and socially demanding. For many, this can heighten stress and make authentic connection more difficult.

“If people experience social anxiety or have had negative dating experiences, they may be hesitant to reach out and engage in any kind of dating events or go on dating apps in the first place,” says Hassan. “If they do go along, they may end up having a really hard time because they’re anxious and not able to speak up and make the experience as manageable as possible for themselves.

Education falling short

Dr Magdalena Smusz, a lecturer in psychology at Birmingham Newman University in the UK, adds that much of the difficulty stems from the lack of tailored sexuality education.

“While both neurotypical and neurodivergent young people face challenges navigating the complexities of romance and intimacy, including consent, boundaries and communication in dating, neurodivergent groups often experience greater difficulties due to a lack of sexuality education tailored to their specific needs,” says Smusz.

She says neurodivergent young people often require different teaching approaches compared to their neurotypical peers. “Currently, sexuality education in schools is generally inadequate, meaning that not only do neurotypical young people learn too little, but the curriculum is also not designed to meet the needs of neurodivergent students, leading them to learn even less about these vital topics.”

Without adequate support or tailored education, Smusz says neurodivergent individuals often enter adulthood without a clear framework on how to navigate social and romantic relationships, leaving many feeling unsure of how to connect or be understood by others.

“Furthermore, neurodivergent individuals often face stigma, with societal stereotypes labelling them as ‘socially awkward’, which can result in them being overlooked as potential partners. Traditional dating environments, such as crowded bars or fast-paced dating apps, are frequently inaccessible due to sensory sensitivities or different communication needs,” Smusz says.

Community-driven solutions

PASH Connections was formed in 2020 by founder and co-director Holly Turner, in a push to create more inclusive spaces for people of all abilities. “We started off as a sexual health and relationships education organisation, teaching people about healthy relationships and social skills. We were constantly telling people that we were working with, ‘put yourselves out there’, ‘go and find new people’, ‘put these skills into practice’, and I guess a lot of people came back to us and were like, ‘that’s great, but where?” says Turner.

“[PASH] Connections, came out of a need, if we’re serious about supporting people in healthy relationships and to grow their social skills, then we have to provide an opportunity for that.”

Five years on, PASH now run regular speed dating and social nights across the state.

Zibby Cleveland, PASH’s other co-director, joined the organisation after hearing about one of the speed dating events while working as a support worker for a woman who wanted to attend. “I just loved what Holly did and wanted to get on board,” says Cleveland.

“We both got messages the other day from one couple who met through our speed dating, and they’ve just exchanged promise rings.”

For Zibby Cleveland and Holly Turner, creating spaces where people can connect in an environment they feel safe, heard and accepted is at the forefront of their mission.

“We’re really serious about people making meaningful and healthy relationships. We’re not just here for people to meet other people and then go on their way, we’re really passionate about educating people, building their skills in relationships and helping them make informed decisions,” Turner says.

Beyond romance, the events have boosted confidence and self-esteem. “One of the mums of a boy that attends our events regularly, actually said to us that the self-confidence that she’s seen grow in her son from coming to our events has just changed his life,” Cleveland adds.

The success of PASH’s approach is best seen in the stories of the people who attend their events. One such couple is Melanie Hawkes and James Maley, who met at a PASH speed dating night in 2023. James, who is autistic, and Melanie, who has transverse myelitis, found in PASH a space where they could meet without the usual pressures or barriers of mainstream dating.

“Everyone at PASH I’ve found really supportive and really values what they’re doing, especially for people with various kinds of disabilities. The odds haven’t been in our favour and I really value what they’re doing to help people find love,” Maley admits.

Connecting online

While PASH focuses on in-person connection, others are innovating in the digital space.

Wable, founded by Melbourne-based Holly Fowler and launched in 2024, is a social networking app specifically designed for neurodivergent people to find friendships, dates and jobs in a safe, judgement-free environment.

“I created Wable after I noticed a significant gap in modern dating and social apps that don’t cater to the unique needs of the neurodivergent community,” says Fowler.

She adds while shows like Love on the Spectrum sparked greater awareness, genuine inclusivity in dating still lagged behind. “The more I spoke with people in the community, it was glaringly obvious that the modern dating and social apps just were not working for the neurodivergent community.”

A key challenge Wable addresses is the fear and anxiety around disclosing one’s neurodivergence. “A lot of people would go into dates or first chats feeling like, ‘when am I going to tell them about my neurodivergence?’. There’s that constant worry about being judged by the person on the other side,” says Fowler

“With Wable, it’s assumed you are neurodivergent by being here.”

The app guides users through the experience, with features like a ‘question wheel’ for conversation starters, allowing users to connect with an in-app counsellor and providing resources about keeping yourself safe online, what to do once you have a match and being safe on a first meetup.

A new era

While the neurodivergent dating and relationships space is still emerging, Dr Magdalena Smusz says social environments are key to fostering authentic connections. “Creating more sensory-friendly and inclusive dating environments, both online and offline, can facilitate more genuine connections,” she says.

“As a society, we must recognise this diversity and work to build environments where neurodivergent individuals feel accepted and supported in their pursuit of romance and intimacy.”

Holly Turner and Zibby Cleveland agree. “I think there’s still a big stigma around disability. We would just always encourage people to give each other a chance and put yourself out there. Don’t just think it’s not going to happen for you, because it will,” says Turner.

For Leon Peters-Malone, dating isn’t about picture perfect-dates but understanding. “I think a lot of people go into dating with a whole heap of expectations,” he says.

Peters-Malone admits loneliness still creeps in sometimes, but initiatives such as PASH and Wable are helping to keep the flame of hope alive, reminding people like him that love and connection are possible.

“I can appreciate I’ve got some niche interests, but the biggest thing for me is having a person to share these interests with. I just want someone to share the small wins with and the better batches of my cooking,” says Peters-Malone.

It’s that same hope that drives Wable founder Holly Fowler. “Awareness is great, but it really needs to shift to understanding and acceptance in the workplace, on the street, in schools and universities. What a world it would be if we could just value everyone as they are without judgement,” she says.

With initiatives like PASH and Wable leading the way for change, a more inclusive and compassionate world of connection is starting to take shape.